P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I pour the whiskey from now on
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
