We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize