I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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