yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
