I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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