Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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