All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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