i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
