i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
