I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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