This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
