my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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