Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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