I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
No subtext here. People are naked.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
