I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
