Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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