You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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