I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize