my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
