Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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