you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
