She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
