Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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