He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
