In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
