I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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