he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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