Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
