We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
