last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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