Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
