Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
