Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
