so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
