mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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