i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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