Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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