I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
