I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
