8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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