We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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