I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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