...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
