I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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