Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you win again, gameday.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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