Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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