would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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