I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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