I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
