god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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