I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
