I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize