I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
