forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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