just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Randomize
