i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
