I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You took a bar mat shot.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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