I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
