Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
