you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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