pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
