omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
