my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
