We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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