Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I will be naked everywhere
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
