i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
