i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
