i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
