good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
