So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
