How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
