True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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