Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
from now on my penis is your penis
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
