Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I will pee on everything he values.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
