We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize