also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
